I’ve been following the story of Robertson and Muriel McQuilkin for some time. He is the former president of Columbia Bible College. Robertson traveled and spoke, wrote books, and had a great impact for Christ on the world. Muriel developed Alzheimer’s disease about 8 years ago. Before long she couldn’t recognize anyone and became like a little child, totally dependent on others for her care. She was only content when her husband was around, but in no ways was she a wife to him. He had a decision to make: his ministry or his wife. He resigned all his work just to take care of her. He promised to be with her in “sickness and health, for better or worse” and he plans to keep his promise. He loves her and delights in her presence. He tells about how she was faithful to him for 40 years and he could never repay her. “I don’t have to care for her, I get to! It’s a high honor to care for so wonderful a person.”
While this seems very admirable, is it expecting too much of a person in today’s world? Would you expect your mate to do that for you? Would you do it for your mate? Is it expecting too much or not? I think this is at the heart and core of many marriage problems today — what should we expect of ourselves? of our mates? Unless we know what God expects, we will either expect too much or too little from ourselves and others. Either way is disaster!
WHAT GOD EXPECTS OF HUSBANDS
God expects husbands to meet their wife’s need for love and security. Following Jesus’ example, he is to sacrificially love her (Ephesians 5:22-33). Man is to have agape love (unconditional love, love in spite of, love no matter what) for his wife, as Jesus has for us. Too often our love instead is phileo (better translated ‘like’ than ‘love,’ for it is dependent on the recipient, love “because” or “if”). A woman needs to feel secure, so a husband is commanded (note it is a command, not suggestion) to have the same kind of sacrificial, unselfish, humble love for his wife that Jesus has for him.
WHAT GOD EXPECTS OF WIVES
The Bible says God expects wives to be submissive to their husbands, as they submit to Jesus (Ephesians 5:22-33). The more a husband treats his wife as Jesus would, the better able she is to respond (the root meaning of the word ‘submit’) to him as she does to Jesus. Joseph sacrificially put Mary first, willing to take the financial loss and criticism himself rather than putting her up to public ridicule. No wonder she so willing followed him! Abraham, however, put himself before Sarah (telling her to say she was his sister) and so she decided she was going to have to watch out for herself since Abraham wasn’t going to sacrifice to take care of her — and that’s what she did from then on!
Just as a woman has an innate, built-in need for love and security, a man has a built-in need to provide and guide. By submitting a woman allows him to fill that. Besides, God says the man is to be the leader, not the woman (Gen 3:16; I Cor. 11:3-5; I Tim. 2:11-15). Thus, the man is to initiate the love. It’s his responsibility to reach out in sacrificial love first, so she can respond with submission. A man needs to provide, he needs to feel needed. Women must let their men know they need them and appreciate them. All of this is what was happening before marriage, it must continue afterwards.
Good advice for husbands and wives is to follow John Kennedy’s slogan (with minor alterations): “Ask not what your mate can do for you, ask what you can do for your mate.”
Women, don’t expect too much of your husband. Men are basically little boys inside, trying to perform as they think men should perform. As Ruth Graham says, “Only Jesus can be Jesus.” Love him unconditionally. Realize men don’t really understand the major differences between men and women. Help him understand your need to communicate, for romance, for time together, for his undivided attention when you talk, for long slow shopping trips, etc. Don’t compare him to others. Don’t assume he knows your mind (he doesn’t), Don’t focus on his weakness’. Don’t criticize him. Your job is to build him up.
God created women to “fill up the empty spaces” in man (Genesis 2:18). Women are made to be completing men, not competing with them. A man isn’t complete without the woman God has for him functioning as God wants her to. She finds her completion in helping him find his completion.
One final word about this subject. While God expects a man to sacrificially love his wife and a wife to let her man know he is needed, neither will ever totally do this as their mate needs. God will never let a woman meet all her husband’s needs, or a man meet all his wife’s needs. God is a jealous God and makes sure we ultimately come to Him for our needs. When your mate proves themselves to be less than perfect, go to God with your unmet needs. That’s the only place to have them met.
So, is it expecting too much to have the kind of love Robertson McQuilkin had for his wife. I don’t think so. This is what God wants us to expect. But when our expectations aren’t met God wants us to come to Him, for He never disappoints us!
ELSEWHERE IN INDIA: This man has been training pastors for years. I am glad we can work with him. He writes: “Thank you so much for your continued prayers for the ministry done in India in various forms. Reaching out to fellow laborers in God’s ministry field with Discipleship classes which is the method of multiplication. This is a very much needed teaching to many a Pastor in the vineyard of God. This is very very much neglected by the Pastors and leaders of any denomination. Nobody encourages this method of teaching even known people too. . We had a good time of gathering and learning. Pastors are very eager to learn more in the days ahead in the Study. I reminded them of their calling, commitment, consecration in the field where they are entrusted to work. We had 24 participants in this Seminar. We had a time of singing and Prayer. While teaching was going on, they were very well attentive to the voice of the Holy Spirit as they learn new truth to them though it’s already designed in Holy Word. In between break time some of the Pastors came and shared how God spoke wth them. They said they are challenged. One pastor said: “I am very much indebted to my God for bringing me here to learn a great lesson which is the primary and most needed for all generations. I am challenged when I heard that Disciples did in their generation but am I doing it in my generation, This held me accountable because I am unaware of it. I am doing common ministry as others do but I will ask the Lord to help to do it from now on..” Pastor GP (see pictures below)
cto Rev. Dr. JERRY SCHMOYER
Christian Training Organization
Jerry@ChristianTrainingOrganization.org
(India & Africa & Spanish Outreach, Spiritual Warfare, Family Ministries, Counseling, World View)
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