I’ve had many glorious experiences in my life of God’s real and clear presence. They have come in times of worship, times of being alone in nature, times of personal Bible study and times of teaching and counseling others. They are very special and wonderful memories. But I also have a few memories of times when God seemed to be absent. Not just quiet or distant but totally absent. There haven’t been nearly as many of these but I have had these Dark Night of the Soul experiences in my life. Maybe you have also.
One particular one comes to mind. It was a time when God’s help was very much needed but not present. I just wanted to feel his presence even if the situation was not going to turn out as I had hoped and prayed … a little assurance that He was there, some hope that things would be OK, perhaps a little light at the end of the tunnel. But that was not how He chose to respond. At that time, instead of experiencing His presence, I experienced His absence. It was just as real an experience as the times of joy and awe, but I can’t put into words the emptiness and loss I felt. I’ve heard of people express times when it seems like their prayers bounced off the ceiling. It didn’t even feel to me they got that high. God was silent. God was quiet and seemingly unavailable. And worst of all, this lasted for about six months. While going through it, it seemed like it might last forever. I continued my duties of teaching, preaching and praying as a pastor, husband and father, but it was an exercise in persevering. I kept doing what I knew I should be doing even though I felt empty.
Then one day, all of a sudden, I felt God’s presence in my life again. His power was there when I spoke, His wisdom was there when I counseled and His love was there when I was with my family. I didn’t do anything to change what had been happening. It ended as suddenly and unexpectedly as it started. God still hasn’t given me any insight as to what it was all about and I don’t think He ever will in this life. However, there are some lessons I can share with any of you who may have experienced this in the past or are now experiencing this same thing.
DARK NIGHT OF THE SOUL. During that time, I eventually remembered a phrase I had come across several times in studying people in church history. Some of God’s most choice servants experienced “a dark night of the soul.” Knowing I was not alone in such an experiences was immensely helpful. I remember men such as John Calvin, Martin Luther, John Bunyan, C. S. Lewis and others such as Mother Teresa describing similar experiences in their lives. They talked about a time of loss of spiritual joy, a feeling of emptiness and lack of peace. Doubts about their faith and even God’s existence arose. Despair and anguish along with helplessness were almost overwhelming. When they came out on the other side they experienced a deeper connection and continued spiritual growth. It caused them to confront their own limitations and rely on God’s grace.
KEEP TRUSTING GOD. I remember preaching and praying during that time with my total dependence was on God. What else could I do? I put my complete trust in Him to take my words and use them for His glory. I continued as I had before even though I did not have the feeling of God’s presence. I had to rely on my mind explaining reality to my emotions that God was sovereign and God was love. My faith cannot be founded on my feelings but on the truth of God as revealed in His Word so without any feelings to count on I had two choices. I could continue to trust Him or I could turn from Him. I knew turning from Him was not the answer. My choice was to keep trusting and following. Actually, there was no choice at all because He is the only choice and to reject Him is to reject everything right and true. He has never explained why He allowed the crisis that brought this about, nor why He didn’t seem present to help me endure.
SHARE WITH GODLY FRIENDS. My experience was not the kind I could share with others except my wife who was going through something similar. It’s important to have someone who understands and listens, someone to encourage you and stand with you no matter what (Hebrews 10:24-25).
In the dark seasons where God is quiet, we needn’t doubt His presence. Not only is He there, but He is longing to take our broken pieces and replace them with His glory. There will always be those seasons of life when we long for God’s presence to show up and change our circumstances in ways that we can see. Yet it is often in those God-seems-absent times that He is changing us in ways that we can’t see.
Psalm 139:7-12 “Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me. If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,” even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you.”
Have you ever been such a time? What have you learned about God from it? Thank God for it, because it is part of God’s perfect will for you (I would really like to hear from you if you don’t mind sharing with me!)
Do you know anyone going through such a time? What can you do to help them?
cto Rev. Dr. JERRY SCHMOYER
Christian Training Organization
Jerry@ChristianTrainingOrganization.org
(India & Africa Outreach, Spiritual Warfare, Family Ministries, Counseling, World View)
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