After 40 years of marriage and ministry my encouragement to wives of pastors is simple: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’… ‘Love your neighbor as yourself’” (Mark 12:50-51).
First things first: “Love the Lord.” Do all things as unto the Lord (Colossians 3:17, 23). Love for the Lord needs to motivate all you do or caring for your husband, family, church and neighbors will become burdensome. If you know you are doing your work primarily because God first loved you, then recognition, reward and success here on earth becomes less important. You know you did it for Him in love and obedience.
Next the text assumes you will “love yourself.” This implies a healthy understanding and acceptance of who you are in Christ and seeing yourself as He sees you – a redeemed child of God that He adores, loves, provides for, sees and cares for totally (Galatians 3:26; Psalm 23:1; Matthew 10:30-31).
You are His beloved (Romans 1:7; 9:25). He rejoices over you (Zephaniah 3:17). He craves your attention, fellowship and praise (1 Corinthians 1:9; Psalm 50:14,23). He cherishes you. Do you grasp the depth and totality of His love for you? Then you can be confident and secure. He loves a peaceful, not fearful and gentle spirit, not angry and bitter (1 Peter 3:4). This is pleasing to Him. When you are secure in Christ it frees you to confidently serve others: first your husband, then children and family and then believers and unbelievers (Ephesians 5:22-33).
Loving yourself implies you care for yourself. God doesn’t want or expect you to sacrifice your basic need for rest, quiet time and physical restoration for ministry and family on a continual basis. There may be a season of life when the children are very young and this may be different. No one expects a car to run without gas. You serve better when you take the time to care for yourself and prevent physical problems and emotional exhaustion. Even Jesus drew away from needy crowds to recharge and spend time alone with His father (Luke 5:16).
God commands, not suggests, a day set aside to physically and spiritually recharge and rest. You are disobedient and will suffer if you do not embrace this principle and command.
Lastly, “love your neighbor.” Who is your neighbor? Jesus illustrated the answer in the parable of the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:25-37). Your neighbor is anyone God puts in your path, believer or unbeliever. We are to be “wise as a fox and innocent as a dove” (Matthew 10:16). We are to listen to the Holy Spirit guide us into serving people. We can’t help everyone, so pray and be sensitive to who, when and how much God wants you to help.
Focus on helping others in ways you are specifically gifted or in ways no one else can help. You don’t need to provide for all their needs or do everything yourself. Recruit and delegate to others to join in the work. Share the work with others so they will learn how to serve in a balanced way. Jesus said, “the poor you will always have with you” (Matthew 26:11). Prioritize our help and resources.
You are the only wife your husband will have. After the Lord, he is your priority. Then your children and family followed by believers and unbelievers. Serving them matures your relationship with the Lord and improves your own well-being. Keep yourself strong spiritually and physically to minister in a balanced way for others.
THE PRIVILEGE OF BEING A PASTOR’S WIFE
It is an honor to have a pastor husband. You see firsthand lives transformed and God’s hand work in ways others do not. Pray for him daily. Support him in love (gentle spirit) and without fear (peaceful inner spirit) (1 Peter 3:4). When problems arise, be a good listener, not critical and blaming him or the believers. Be a part of the solution, not adding to the problem by talking, gossip, criticizing or complaining. Take that to the Lord alone.
Do not discuss private family matters concerning your pastor husband to those in your fellowship. If necessary, speak with a trusted, confidential, older wise woman believer. If deep concerns need attention such as physical or verbal abuse, direct your issues to a trusted elder.
Do not expect your pastor husband to always be right or respond in a godly manner. He, too, is “in process.” Extend grace to him. He needs it as well as you do. Forgive quickly to prevent a root of bitterness. Complement him; ask him about what concerns him and what encourages him. Be actively engaged in listening to his response. Be a safe listener.
In an orchestra, the first violin carries the melody and gets all the attention. But the second violinist makes the harmony and creates the musical beauty. Pastors’ wives are the second violinists. We don’t get much attention but we create the beautiful harmony.
Enjoy. Be blessed. Get eternal rewards. Be the best Christian woman you can be and you will automatically be a good pastor’s wife. By Nancy Schmoyer
cto Rev. Dr. JERRY SCHMOYER
Christian Training Organization
Jerry@ChristianTrainingOrganization.org
(India, Africa & Spanish Outreach, Spiritual Warfare, Family Ministries, Counseling, World View)
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