Women are often defined or identified by their husband’s job or role. A woman married to a pastor will inevitably face expectations about her role in the church. People will assume things about her abilities that may not be true.
SHE IS SIMILAR TO OTHER WOMEN The role of a pastor’s wife is basically the same as any other wife in the church — to honor and support her husband. As a pastor’s wife, some may assume she should do the jobs others don’t want to do. That is not true, and it is not Biblical. A pastor’s wife should serve in the church as God leads. Like other women, she should pray and use her talents accordingly.
In some ways she is like other women and in other ways she is not. She will be seen differently because of her relationship with the pastor. This is good because it can provide extra opportunities to minister in the church and community. It can be bad because inappropriate expectations can be placed on her. Sometimes it can make it hard for her to have friendships with other women in the same way she would if she was not the pastor’s wife. She needs to exercise discretion when she shares personal and family needs with others. Friendships with other pastors’ wives may be a good option. Again, test the trust before disclosing too much. Trusted relationships with other pastor’s wives is a good source of support (Titus 2:3-5).
SHE IS NOT THE ASSISTANT PASTOR Church members need to be gently taught the pastor’s wife doesn’t know everything about issues in the church, nor should she be expected to. She shouldn’t be expected to fill a role just because a previous pastor’s wife filled that role. Ideally, church members should bring ministry related questions and concerns to the pastor or another church leader and not the pastor’s wife.
SHE SERVES USING HER GIFTS As with all Christians; the pastor’s wife has special gifts God gave her to serve the Body of Christ (Romans 12:6-8). She is God’s gift to the church to fill those needs (Ephesians 4:10-12). God expects her to use those gifts (1 Peter 4:10-11). If she doesn’t then the whole church suffers. If she is busy doing other things she won’t have time or energy to do what God has equipped her to do. Anna in Luke 2:36-37, Dorcas in Acts 9:36, Lydia in Acts 16:15, Priscilla in Acts 18:26, Philip’s daughters in Acts 21:9, Phoebe in Romans 16:1-2, and the widows in 1 Timothy 5:3-10 are all examples. Prioritize your time in areas of giftedness first. Add other areas as God leads you.
SHE HAS THE FREEDOM TO BE HERSELF Don’t try to live up to the expectations of others but gently be yourself. People need to know she is human with weaknesses and strengths just like theirs.
SHE SHOULD ASK GOD TO PUT LOVE IN HER HEART FOR THE PEOPLE A pastor’s wife needs genuine love for the church and people entrusted to the care of her husband. A deep love for the people will prevent resentment. She needs to forgive the people for their insensitivity and criticism. Her love sets a good example for her husband and children.
SHE HAS GOOD CHARACTER 1 Timothy 3:11 says, “Women must be worthy of respect, not malicious talkers but temperate and trustworthy in everything.” She demonstrates high character in the areas of her public conduct, private conversations and overall management of information and responsibilities. This focuses on what she says and doesn’t say. Information is shared with her in confidence and it needs to stay private. She has access to private information about people. This also needs to remain private. She cannot gossip, or even listen to gossip (Proverbs 11:13; 16:28; 10:18; 11:9; Ephesians 4:29; 1 Corinthians 6:9-10). Negative criticism or observations should not be discussed (Philippians 4:8). Simple expressions of a servant attitude show she cares for others and seeks their interests above her own. See the example of Phoebe, a deaconess in the early church. (Romans 16:1-2.)
SHE SHARES WISDOM WITH OTHERS A virtuous woman “opens her mouth with wisdom” (Proverbs 31:26). She gives good counsel to others within the church. She can mentor younger women individually and as a group (Titus 2:3-5). Elizabeth provided spiritual and life training for Mary (Luke 1:41-45).
SHE IS APPRECIATED AND RESPECTED The pastor sets an example of praising his wife and respecting her (Proverbs 31:29-31). This happens in the home as well as in public. He sets the example of valuing and respecting all women, as Jesus did (Luke 13:12-16; 17:11-17; 8:3-11, 43-48; 7:36-50; John 4:4-42). Paul did as well (Romans 16:1-2; 1 Thessalonians 5:12-13).
SHE SHOWS HOSPITALITY Even when resources are sparse, a pastor’s wife can offer very simple hospitality including a welcoming open home (1 Timothy 3:2; Titus 1:8; 1 Peter 4:9) (Colossians 4:15). Peter’s wife is a good example (Mark 1:29-34; 1 Corinthians 9:5). While some women are gifted in the area of hospitality, all are to offer it.
SHE WILL BE REWARDED While the wife serves a role in the background, she will share in her husband’s reward from God, Who rewards all faithfulness equally (Ephesians 6:7-9; 1 Peter 5:1-4). God rewards for faithfully using what He has given, like the widow who gave her two mites (Luke 2:1-4). This is true for pastor’s wives as well.
FOR PASTORS: Do you allow your wife to make full use of her gifts and talents?
Do you protect her from those who would criticize her or take advantage of her time?
Do you show her honor and respect privately and publicly for all she does for you and the church?
Share this blog with your wife and talk about it with her.
FOR PASTORS’ WIVES: Do you ever listen or pass on gossip?
Do you serve with a good attitude, out of love for your husband, Jesus and the people in your church?
cto Rev. Dr. JERRY SCHMOYER
Christian Training Organization
Jerry@ChristianTrainingOrganization.org
(India, Africa & Spanish Outreach, Spiritual Warfare, Family Ministries, Counseling, World View)
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