A pastor’s wife is, first and foremost, a daughter of God. Her identity is in Jesus (2 Corinthians 5:17-18), not being married to a pastor. In order to be all God created her to be, she needs to take care of her health by eating healthy, getting proper rest and balancing home and ministry. Life in ministry has many demands. She has responsibilities to her husband and children, plus needs of the church. She is responsible do her best to keep her herself and her husband healthy.
God commands us to take a day of rest to restore (Genesis 2:1-3; Exodus 20:8-11; Isaiah 58:13-14; 56:1-8; Acts 17:2; Acts 18:4, 11; Luke 4:16; Mark 2:27-28; Matthew 12:10-12; Hebrews 4:1-11; Genesis 1:5, 13-14; Nehemiah 13:19). Time to rest and enjoy the family is essential for managing problems as they arise. A wife can help encourage her husband to take a day of rest. If he is not cooperative, she still needs to find a way to pace herself and schedule times of rest and refreshment. God only gives us work to do for 6 days a week. If we find we need to work all 7 days then we are doing things He isn’t expecting. Prioritize, delegate and relinquish some things.
Here are some character traits of a godly woman that are especially important to develop as a pastor’s wife.
SHE HAS A GENTLE AND QUIET SPIRIT It pleases God when a women has a gentle and quiet spirit (1 Peter 3:4). Pastors need that from their wives. It doesn’t mean she keeps quiet or is mute but she speaks in a kind, loving manner (Ephesians 4:15). She speaks respectfully (Ephesians 5:33; 5:21-32; 1 Peter 3:1-7). Solomon says it is better to live alone in a corner of the housetop then in a house with a quarrelsome wife (Proverbs 21:9, 19). A gentle and quiet spirit shows respect. Men need to be respected as much as women need to be loved. A quiet spirit also means “inner quietness” or inner peacefulness rather than fear or anxiety. Godly women have inner confidence knowing God loves them and is present in their lives and ministry.
SHE KEEPS BALANCE IN HER LIFE One of the important duties of a pastor’s wife is to maintain balance between ministry and marriage. Sometimes the pastor is overly busy helping and giving to others and neglects his family and wife. Christ had balance in ministering to the large, demanding crowds, spending time with just the disciples and then time alone with the Father. It is to a wife’s benefit to take time for personal, private family time and husband-wife time. Relationships need to be fed so they grow. Invest time and energy in your marriage and encourage your husband to do the same. Prioritize time to join your husband for relaxation and to talk during the day.
SHE IS TEACHABLE God is continually working in a pastor’s life so he grows to be more like Jesus (Philippians 1:6). This is true of a pastor’s wife as well. She needs a teachable spirit, an open mind and a heartfelt desire to learn and grow (Proverbs 131:18; 4:5; 9:9; 1 Peter 5:5). This requires humility. (Matthew 23:12; Job 22:29; Psalm 25:9; 1 Peter 5:6). She needs to be willing to apologize or change her opinion when necessary.
FOR PASTORS: Do you make sure your wife has time for her own spiritual growth as well as time to relax and enjoy life?
Do you pray for her and also pray with her every day?
Share this blog with your wife and talk about it with her.
FOR PASTORS’ WIVES: Are you growing spiritually?
Do you make time alone with God a top priority in your day?
cto Rev. Dr. JERRY SCHMOYER
Christian Training Organization
Jerry@ChristianTrainingOrganization.org
(India Outreach, Spiritual Warfare, Family Ministries, Counseling, World View)
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