DEALING WITH MY DOUBTS
I consider myself a rational, analytical type person. I need proof before I’ll believe something. I don’t go by my feelings or emotions. I’ve always been this way. It’s the way God created me.
I first came to know the Lord is my savior watching Billy Graham when I was 10 years old. That was 65 years ago. I have seen the Lord do many things in my lives and the lives of others. Yet I still get hit by nagging doubts from time to time. What if this is all a fake? What if this isn’t true? What if there is no God or Jesus?
I have studied apologetics my whole life. I have taught on this subject often and even wrote a book about it. I know all the sound, rational reasons to prove that God exists, Jesus is God, and the Bible is true. Still, the enemy keeps shooting those doubts into my mind.
I’ve concluded that there is no rational, logical way of coming to faith. Faith is just that, faith. Yet, there is one overwhelming way that I personally know God exists. It is far beyond the rational, intelligent arguments I know so well. It has to do with the change He has made in my life.
I know what I am capable of in my own flesh, even on a good day. Did I fill myself full of peace, joy, forgiveness, humility, unconditional love and a desire to serve others? That is not me! I cannot manufacture that. I cannot counterfeit them. I know what I would be like as a person if I had never met Jesus. Everything between that person and the person I now am proves to me that Jesus exists.
When I think of what He has done for me, how He has paid for my sins on the cross and come back to life, all I can do is praise Him. My heart wells up with praise. I sing out loud and raise my hands in worship (when I am home alone)! The joy sometimes turns to tears at the wonder of the cross. I don’t get that way about other things, only about Jesus. It must be God’s Spirit working inside of me, lifting me up. I’m not an emotional person. I can’t even fake it. But what I feel when I think of Him and what He’s done for me is beyond explanation. It has to the Holy Spirit revealing His goodness and love to me.
An old favored him of mine concludes with “You ask me how I know He lives. He lives within my heart.” Yes, that is very subjective. But to me it is very real. You ask me how I know he lives? I know he lives in my heart. That’s the only explanation. It’s something I know is true beyond the shadow of a doubt.
So when the doubts pop up, that’s what I think of. That’s what I remember. I am a new creation. The old has gone the new has come (2 Corinthians 5:17). I have in crucified with Christ, yet it is no longer I who live but Christ who lives in me (Galatians 2:20). (June 27, 2022 Doylestown, PA)
1 Corinthians 2:10-11 “These are the things God has revealed to us by his Spirit. The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. For who knows a person’s thoughts except for their own spirit within them? In the same way, no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God”
Do you ever need proof of his reality? Has he changed your life? How do you account for the praise and worship that wells up in you when you worship Him? That’s Jesus. There’s no other explanation.
cto Rev. Dr. JERRY SCHMOYER
Christian Training Organization
(India Outreach, Spiritual Warfare, Family Ministries, Counseling, World View)
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