One of the most difficult positions in the church is that of the pastor’s wife.  It is a wonderful privilege and great opportunity to be a pastor’s wife, but it is not easy.   They face the same hardships and problems their pastor husbands face, but often have extra burdens placed on them.  They don’t always receive the same praise and encouragement as their husbands.  They often have to do that which no one else in the church wants to do.  Worse of all, they see others hurting and taking advantage of their husband and can’t do anything to stop it.

Being a pastor’s wife can be quite lonely because they have a hard time having friends like others in the church do.  Their special role makes it difficult to just be themselves.  Others expect more from them, not realizing they struggle like all other people.  They are supposed to be able to always do everything right as a wife, mother, Christian and friend.  Like other Christians, they fear failing as a wife or mother.  In addition, they are afraid of failing as the wife of a church leader.  They receive no training and often don’t even have a godly example to follow, so they often don’t really know what is expected of them.

Some people think the pastor’s wife should be at every activity the church has.  They feel she should always be available to do anything that is needed.  Her privacy and her time are often not respected by the people in the church.  Her husband doesn’t always protect her and her time.  Too few pastors take a day a week off to spend with their wife and family.  Pastors can be called any time of the day or night, often during special family events.  It is the wives who suffer when their husbands don’t put them and their families before their church responsibilities, as the Bible commands (1 Timothy 3:4-5; 1 Peter 3:7).

People expect the pastor’s wife to have a perfect Christian marriage and family.  They watch her children and expect more of them than other children.  It is often assumed she will always be available to do the work no one else wants to do.  She is expected to have wisdom in all situations and be able to give answers and advice whenever anyone needs it.  When there are disagreements or problems with the pastor, often people will blame her or withdraw their friendship from her.

Yes, being a pastor or church leader’s wife can be very difficult.  But it is also a great blessing and wonderful privilege, for she gets to support and encourage the pastor.  She is the recipient of love and blessings from the church.  People pray for her and her family.  God will greatly bless her in this life and reward her for her faithfulness for all eternity.  Serving God brings her great reward in this life and the next.

1 Timothy 3:11  In the same way, the women (wives of leaders) are to be worthy of respect, not malicious talkers but temperate and trustworthy in everything.

If you are a church leader’s wife, thank God for the privilege and honor.  Ask Him to help you and your family in all you do.

If you know a church leader’s wife, encourage and support her.  Offer her help with her housework and children.  Pray for her.

For more details about the future see my book, “Duties of Pastors,” Chapter 7, “Duties of Pastor’s Wives,” at https://www.christiantrainingonline.org/our-ministries/india/books/   or email me at Jerry@Schmoyer.net and I’ll send a PDF copy. If you have any questions, I would be glad to answer them.



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(India Outreach, Spiritual Warfare, Family Ministries, Counseling, World View)

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