“I MARRIED THE WRONG PERSON” (Marriage Lies 1)
A lie is a false statement with deliberate intent to deceive. It is an inaccurate declaration to mislead. A lie is an imposter of the truth. Lies find their source in Satan because “there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies” (John 8:44). Lies are one of Satan’s most productive tools. Why attack head on when he can be so much more effective with deception? If we are to have victory over him, we must understand his lies.
Human history starts with a story of Eve believing lies from Satan, the “father of lies” (John 8:44). She listened to what he was saying and, because she wasn’t well versed in the truth, she believed him (Genesis 3:3). She distorted God’s truth by adding to what God said (“nor shall you touch the fruit”). Her ignorance of the truth was the weak link Satan needed to get her to believe his lie. He told her that God was withholding something good from her. The truth is that God never withholds anything good (Psalm 84:11). If He doesn’t give us something, He knows it isn’t ‘good’ for us.
Once a lie is believed then it is acted on. Beliefs lead to actions (Proverbs 23:7). And actions have consequences. Eve encouraged Adam to disobey and eat, and the consequence was sin entering the world (Romans 5:12). Satan has been lying to us ever since.
Since marriage and family are foundational relationships for us, it’s no surprise that many of Satan’s most productive lies concern the husband-wife relationship. He tries to work through one mate to spread a lie to the other, as he used Eve to influence Adam to sin (Genesis 3). We are more susceptible to deception if it comes from a trusted and influential source, like a mate. When one believes a lie, it impacts their mate as well.
One of the most common lies Satan feeds a person when there are difficulties in their marriage is, “I married the wrong person, life would have been better if I had married someone else.” It doesn’t matter how long you have been married. This lie can pop into your mind at any time. There are a couple of lies behind this lie that make this lie effective.
The first lie behind the lie is, “There is only right person for me to marry.” Disney, fairy tales and romantic literature imply that there is one ‘soul mate’ for you out there. When you find them, you will live happily ever after. They picture it with no sin nature, no self-centeredness, no anger, pride or fear interfering. If you find and marry the one right person for you, marriage will be near to perfect.
The other lie behind this lie is the assumption that, “We must live happily ever after.” If we aren’t there must be something wrong with the other person. “It’s all their fault.” “I don’t have to try.” “No matter what I do it will never work out.”
The truth is that marriage doesn’t create problems, it reveals problems already within us. Our sin nature flares up when we get hurt, don’t get our own way, have to yield, things don’t seem fair, we are misunderstood, our needs aren’t met, etc. etc. etc. The truth is that there is no person so perfect we won’t have to struggle and stretching, because we all sin continually (Genesis 6:5). Marriage can bring out the worse in us so we can identify our sin and control it through His power. God created marriage to make us holy, not happy. Even if you didn’t consult God and married someone you shouldn’t have married, once you say “I do” God takes it from there and He will use that mate and that marriage to mature both of you to make you more Christlike and bless each of you through the other (Romans 8:28-29). God allowed you to marry that person and He doesn’t make mistakes (Isaiah 46:10).
If you struggle with this lie, remember the truth is that happiness doesn’t come through finding the right person. Rather it is through your being the right person. The world says keep looking until you find that perfect soul mate where you will live happily ever after. God says be the right person, the person God created you to be, and let Him use your marriage and mate to make you more like Jesus. God never commands us to always like each other, but He does promise to always give us love for each other when we put Him first. And if you aren’t married, if you are single, a widow or widower, God will use that state to stretch and mature you into the image of Jesus as well.
When is the last time you wondered if you married the wrong person? What do you do with that lie when it pops into your mind?
What other lies about marriage are you believing? You’ll know they are lies if they don’t line up with what Scripture tell us.
cto Rev. Dr. JERRY SCHMOYER
Christian Training Organization
(India Outreach, Spiritual Warfare, Family Ministries, Counseling, World View)
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