Being a godly man is one of the top goals of my life, but it hasn’t been easy. I’ve had to learn what it means to me a man, no easy task in itself. Then I’ve been learning how to add the godly part to it. Some parts are particularly difficult. Being the spiritual leader of the family seems especially hard, not just for me but for many Christian men. We struggle to be a good husband and father. We go to church to help in our spiritual growth and are reminded we are to be the spiritual leader of the family. Just what does that really mean anyway? And how can I ever fulfill that duty?
Many men think their wife can do a much better job of that than they can. And they may be right! But God requires it of men, not women (unless there is no godly male in the family). Have you noticed that God seems to have a way of requiring things of us that are humanly impossible? That’s because He wants us to stop trying to do it by our self and instead depend on His strength and guidance to get it done.
Having a wife is a great privilege and wonderful honor (Proverbs 18:22; 12:4; 31:10; Malachi 2:15). But it is also a great responsibility. The world, Satan and our own sinful flesh attack marriage. Charles Hodge, the former president of Princeton Theological Seminary writes, “the character of the Church and of the state depends on the character of the family. If religion dies out in the family, it cannot elsewhere be maintained.” Families are the key to raising godly children and future church leaders (Titus 1:6-7). No one bears more responsibility for the spiritual trajectory of his household than the spiritual leader of the home, the husband.
Husbands must lead by example, leading their wives and children in prayer, worship, and the study of God’s Word. These are responsibilities that belong to husbands and fathers, not simply pastors or other ministers. Raising godly children, however, is only part of what being a leader in the home entails. Not all husbands are fathers. But before a man can become an effective shepherd to his children, he must first learn to be a godly shepherd to his wife. In the Bible, we see that God first commands husbands to be the spiritual leaders and shepherds in their marriages. But what does this mean and actually look like? Let’s start with what it does not mean.
Society as a whole, and even many who claim the name ‘Christian,’ reject the idea of a man being the head of a family. They say men and women are equal, and as to their value to God that is true. Husbands are not inherently superior, smarter or more spiritual that their wives (Genesis 1:26). However, God does assign men different roles and responsibilities. Every group of people needs a leader to function most efficiently, and in a family that is the husband. He may not be the best qualified in the family, but he is God’s choice and the one God works through. A man may be poor leaders, self-centered, prideful, insensitive and lacking in spiritual maturity, but he is God’s assigned leader. Wives, too, can be selfish, self-centered and spiritually immature but they are still called by God to fill their role as supporters and encouragers of their husband. Of course, men can do a much better job in leading their family when they work as a team with their wife and together seek God’s will for their family. However, the final responsibility, the tough decisions, initiating and implementing God’s will, fall to the man. That is an awesome responsibility not to be taken lightly. It does not mean a man gets to do what he wants, instead the man must know and do what God wants.
What often happens, as we’ve seen this play out through history, is that, because of sin, women often seek to dominate and rule over their husbands, usurping the man’s role as the spiritual leader of the home. Often men feel incompetent and let the woman lead. Does this not mean that women are not permitted to labor with their husbands, seek the Lord, have goals or dreams, or share in the responsibilities of raising a family. What it means is that the spiritual trajectory, moral structure, values, and vision of the family should be spearheaded by the husband and it is his responsibility to initiate in such a way that these are carried out in their families.
God’s example for the husband as leader is He Himself as He leads and relates to us, the Body of Christ. The apostle Paul writes, “the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything” (Ephesians 5:22-23). We men are to model the leadership demonstrated by Jesus to us as we lead our families.
This means putting the needs of our wives first. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So, husbands also ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself” (Ephesians 5:25-28).
It is the responsibility of a wife to respond to the loving leadership of her husband with a submissive spirit, as she does to Jesus. “Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not become bitter against them” (Colossians 3:18-19). It is the job of husbands, therefore, to encourage, disciple and help their wives grow spiritually. Wives also play a role in helping sanctify their husbands. As Voddie Baucham writes in his book, Family Shepherds “God uses marriage to chisel away at our rough edges and to conform us to the image of His son.” Sanctification is at the core of every biblical marriage.
Men, your role as spiritual leader is of the utmost importance. It is more important than your job, career or ministry. It is the heart and soul of being a godly husband. As the Good Shepherd leads and cares for His sheep, so husbands must shepherd, love, and care for their wives. As the husband goes, so goes his marriage and inevitably his entire family. The church and the country then follow.
Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love. 1 Corinthians 16:13-14
cto Rev. Dr. JERRY SCHMOYER
Christian Training Organization
Jerry@ChristianTrainingOrganization.org
(India & Africa Outreach, Spiritual Warfare, Family Ministries, Counseling, World View)
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