HOW TO HEAL AN UNHAPPY MARRIAGE (Unhappy Marriage 3)
We’ve been talking about unhappy marriages in the last 2 blogs. Now we’ll talk about what to do to improve them. What are we talking about when we talk about an unhappy marriage? It’s one where criticism is common, where hurtful things are purposefully said or done and little positive, uplifting, encouraging talk takes place. It’s one where one or both have given up hope for their marriage and sometimes fanaticize of a life without their current mate. It’s a life where love languages aren’t spoken, sex is lacking or nonexistent and there is no real connection or oneness between the people. Relationships with others mean more than with your mate.
So, what do we do about an unhappy marriage? If you read the first blog in this series you know God’s purpose for marriage is to show where we need to grow to be more like Jesus. His purpose for our marriage is to make us holy, not happy. The second blog showed that the solution is not to divorce, but to pay the price to work it out together with God’s help and guidance. If there is physical danger or harm, then the best solution is to remove yourself to a safe place and work on things (if possible) from a distance.
All relationships have times of struggle because all relationships are made up of human beings with a sin nature. But there are things we can do to heal an unhealthy relationship. First, don’t focus on your mate and their faults. Stop blaming them. Stop blaming yourself. Instead focus on doing what you can to make things better, to treat your mate as God teats you. This includes praying as well as doing. Ask God to show attitudes, words and actions of yours that can be improved. Ask for Him to heal you from pain caused by your mate, and to heal them from hurts you have inflicted. Ask Him to help you be more like Jesus in all you think, say and do. Reach out for help to a pastor, Christian counselor or a trusted, mature, godly Christian you can talk and pray with. With their help, learn how to develop more spiritual reactions, patterns and ways of dealing with issues.
Start seeing your mate as your help out of your misery instead of the one inflicting it. They are miserable, too. Sin and Satan are your enemies, not each other. Join together fighting sin and Satan, don’t fight each other. Satan wants to divide you so he can cause misery and defeat in each of you. Don’t let that happen.
Commit yourself to saying and doing something each day that affirms and builds up your mate. Use their love language to help make sure the message gets through. Find ways you can go out of your way to meet their needs.
Pray individually and together each day for yourself, your mate and your marriage. Pray for peace, healing, wisdom, forgiveness, humility and love. Ask God to give you the love He has for your mate.
Find ways to affirm and encourage your spouse for what they get right instead of criticizing them for every imperfection. Everyone needs encouragement and appreciation, especially your mate. Don’t let your unforgiveness or pride stand in the way of doing what Jesus would do.
Spend time each day reading the Bible and praying together. You might think it’d take a miracle to give you the marriage you need, but remember that we serve a miracle-working God. He does miracles, but He does them through us so let Him work a miracle in you so He can do the same in your mate and marriage. (September 4, 2023 Doylestown, PA)
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor. If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
Which of the suggestions above do you think would be most helpful to your marriage?
What can YOU do today to start implementing these things?
cto Rev. Dr. JERRY SCHMOYER
Christian Training Organization
(India Outreach, Spiritual Warfare, Family Ministries, Counseling, World View)
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